Conflict 101

Society has assigned the word 'conflict' a negative connotation. It is a word most people shy away from, a word that means there are parties upset with one another, or a word that means something bad happened. Conflict is not characteristically negative.

Conflict is inherent. People believe there are many causes of conflict, but at the root of all conflict is need. Whether it is needs being misunderstood, needs not being met or needs not being expressed (after all, humans are imperfect communicators). 

There are 5 main drivers of conflict: Communication, Emotion, History, Values and Structure. 

What does it mean to resolve a conflict:

There are multiple layers to any conflict, which is why they can be so difficult to resolve. Without addressing all of the layers, conflict can continue or feel unresolved. 

Factual: Discussing the facts of the matter. X happened, then Y happened, which led to Z occurring. Your truth, my truth and the shared truth.

Cognitive: Sets of perceptions, values and ideals drive people. These are often the cornerstones of the conflict anchor. When discussing conflict resolution this is the belief that the conflict in question is at a place of closure and no longer fully conflicting with the conflict anchor.

Emotional: Often the most outwardly acknowledged part of conflict. Emotional responses to conflict very, but they often are identified as anger, frustration, hurt or betrayal. When conflict is resolved in an emotional sense, parties no longer feel as strong of an emotional tie to the conflict.

Behavioral: The typical starting place for most non-conflict-resolution-specialist-led discussions. This is typically what people think of when they discuss conflict. When considering resolution, this can look like no longer actively contributing to the conflict and helping to actively resolve the conflict. 

"Resolving conflict is often the most effective way of avoiding it, and avoidance may be the number one problem we face in handling conflict constructively"

-Bernard Mayer